It's not okay

Another lonely night. Derek has gone and the militia men, constantly scout throughout the night in shifts, in order to further expand a safe perimeter. The men tell me that revolt is inevitable. If they had spoken to me before the happening at the airstrip about such things, I would have passed them off as paranoid, conspiracy theorists. I can no longer view them in this manner, for I have seen the inhumanity of soldiers and agents. I have seen the callousness of politicians and other officials. It seems as if man, and this country in particular, is hell-bent on waging war with others. The wars are not fought over rights of men, women and children. The wars are not fought over rights to medicines and nourishment. The wars are over greed, pride and lust to be the most dominant. The ones in charge, indoctrinate segregation to anyone who does not dress like you, talk like you, believe in your beliefs. You are taught that if they're not like you, their intentions must be evil, negative or violent. You suffer from over-exposure to the idea that it's okay to commit violent acts, murder and even genocide, to those who are different. Bombs light up the night sky in villages. Defenses are smashed, businesses are smashed, churches are smashed, schools are smashed, homes are smashed. Father's hold their wives and tell them "it will be okay". Wives hold their crying children and tell them "it will be okay". Hours go bye and bombs light up the night sky. Dead children are held by their mothers. Dead mothers are held by their dead husbands. It's not okay. What happened on that airstrip, was inspired by greed, pride and lust to be the most dominant. The ones who gave the orders, have the nerve to portray me as a monster. Do they even know what I am, what they are, what we could learn from one another? I don't want to hate them, but nothing else makes sense. I think deep down, I've always known what they stood for. I THOUGHT I knew what I stood for. I don't know anymore. I try and remain logical about all this, but my emotions run and my thoughts become discombobulated. I hope I find new answers and reason. If not, I look at man through jaded eyes forevermore.