Winston-Salem

In all my ranting and raving earlier, I forgot to relay a message: Derek says to those who we met up with in Winston-Salem Saturday night, thank you for your hospitality and openness. He says to tell you that he had a really nice time and plans to frequent there much more often...I agree with him and will definitely frequent more often as well.

Sometimes even the air can taste like her

I'm up early again tonight. I'm making an attempt to be more social. And I also want to make it VERY clear that I haven't been acting like a recluse because of anything anyone said. On the contrary I greatly appreciate everyone who writes in and comments and calls now and then to show support. It's just been hard to deal with everything lately. It seems that I go through spells when it seems everything is beginning to look brighter and then something I see or taste or smell reminds me of the recent chaos.


Anyway, I have exciting news. The investigative agency says they have a lead, but don't want to get me involved until they make a positive I.D. or at least make sure it's not another fraud. You people do love your vampires.

Also, Derek has begun an ad campaign working in conjunction with facebook, google+ and a few other global sources in an attempt to expand the search. I realize it is a dangerous step to advertise myself and my roundabout location to random individuals, but I remain confident that humanity is not too far gone and that the campaign will yield positive results.

I also have an escape route and plan ready to be acted upon in the event of anyone I reach out to becoming hostile. And let's not forget about who and what I am. I don't expect some local flatfoot to pursue me in an attempt to obtain me with brute force. If he has done enough reconnaissance to know that I am authentic, then he also knows that an act of violence towards me would be futile and possibly have horrible repercussions. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that I am willing to do anything to find my family and I'm certainly not going to be stopped by some overzealous blue-suit fresh out of boot camp.

So wish me luck and I will make a true effort to try and keep everyone filled in more frequently.

forgiveness: a virtue or a curse?

I want to start this entry off by apologizing to those of you who follow my events and converse with me regularly. I know it has been a long time since my last entry. I have been using the long nights to do all I can to broaden my search. I know that's not an excuse for failing to check in just to let everyone know I'm okay, and I know that I could have returned a phone call or two.

To be honest I can help but feel withdrawn lately. I look around me and it seems that all I find is greed and disregard for others. How could beings with so much potential, settle for so little? Humans are at the top of the food chain, but you could be so much greater, with so little effort. I can't help but feel that I am "joining in the ranks". I feel that when Riley and I were together, the main difference between who I was then and who I am now is "forgiveness". In the time that we were together and so in love, if something unpleasant happened or something didn't quite turn out as planned...I just let it roll off my shoulders. I saw forgiveness and the ability to just "roll with it" as a virtue. Now I can't help but view it as a weakness. Look at what trust and naivety has cost me. Look at what forgiveness and the belief that "we are innately just" has caused me to endure.

To those of you who were worried about me, I am truly sorry. I will do my best to write in more often or at least return your calls. I'm just having a hard time coping at this particular moment in time.

Obviously there has been no luck yet with my search, but that has to be expected. My people are excellent at evasion if nothing else. I will keep you all posted and thank you for your time.

Nolen