forgiveness: a virtue or a curse?

I want to start this entry off by apologizing to those of you who follow my events and converse with me regularly. I know it has been a long time since my last entry. I have been using the long nights to do all I can to broaden my search. I know that's not an excuse for failing to check in just to let everyone know I'm okay, and I know that I could have returned a phone call or two.

To be honest I can help but feel withdrawn lately. I look around me and it seems that all I find is greed and disregard for others. How could beings with so much potential, settle for so little? Humans are at the top of the food chain, but you could be so much greater, with so little effort. I can't help but feel that I am "joining in the ranks". I feel that when Riley and I were together, the main difference between who I was then and who I am now is "forgiveness". In the time that we were together and so in love, if something unpleasant happened or something didn't quite turn out as planned...I just let it roll off my shoulders. I saw forgiveness and the ability to just "roll with it" as a virtue. Now I can't help but view it as a weakness. Look at what trust and naivety has cost me. Look at what forgiveness and the belief that "we are innately just" has caused me to endure.

To those of you who were worried about me, I am truly sorry. I will do my best to write in more often or at least return your calls. I'm just having a hard time coping at this particular moment in time.

Obviously there has been no luck yet with my search, but that has to be expected. My people are excellent at evasion if nothing else. I will keep you all posted and thank you for your time.

Nolen