Monday, April 30, 2012
Winston-Salem
In all my ranting and raving earlier, I forgot to relay a message: Derek says to those who we met up with in Winston-Salem Saturday night, thank you for your hospitality and openness. He says to tell you that he had a really nice time and plans to frequent there much more often...I agree with him and will definitely frequent more often as well.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sometimes even the air can taste like her
I'm up early again tonight. I'm making an attempt to be more social. And I also want to make it VERY clear that I haven't been acting like a recluse because of anything anyone said. On the contrary I greatly appreciate everyone who writes in and comments and calls now and then to show support. It's just been hard to deal with everything lately. It seems that I go through spells when it seems everything is beginning to look brighter and then something I see or taste or smell reminds me of the recent chaos.
Anyway, I have exciting news. The investigative agency says they have a lead, but don't want to get me involved until they make a positive I.D. or at least make sure it's not another fraud. You people do love your vampires.
Also, Derek has begun an ad campaign working in conjunction with facebook, google+ and a few other global sources in an attempt to expand the search. I realize it is a dangerous step to advertise myself and my roundabout location to random individuals, but I remain confident that humanity is not too far gone and that the campaign will yield positive results.
I also have an escape route and plan ready to be acted upon in the event of anyone I reach out to becoming hostile. And let's not forget about who and what I am. I don't expect some local flatfoot to pursue me in an attempt to obtain me with brute force. If he has done enough reconnaissance to know that I am authentic, then he also knows that an act of violence towards me would be futile and possibly have horrible repercussions. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that I am willing to do anything to find my family and I'm certainly not going to be stopped by some overzealous blue-suit fresh out of boot camp.
So wish me luck and I will make a true effort to try and keep everyone filled in more frequently.
Anyway, I have exciting news. The investigative agency says they have a lead, but don't want to get me involved until they make a positive I.D. or at least make sure it's not another fraud. You people do love your vampires.
Also, Derek has begun an ad campaign working in conjunction with facebook, google+ and a few other global sources in an attempt to expand the search. I realize it is a dangerous step to advertise myself and my roundabout location to random individuals, but I remain confident that humanity is not too far gone and that the campaign will yield positive results.
I also have an escape route and plan ready to be acted upon in the event of anyone I reach out to becoming hostile. And let's not forget about who and what I am. I don't expect some local flatfoot to pursue me in an attempt to obtain me with brute force. If he has done enough reconnaissance to know that I am authentic, then he also knows that an act of violence towards me would be futile and possibly have horrible repercussions. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that I am willing to do anything to find my family and I'm certainly not going to be stopped by some overzealous blue-suit fresh out of boot camp.
So wish me luck and I will make a true effort to try and keep everyone filled in more frequently.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
forgiveness: a virtue or a curse?
I want to start this entry off by apologizing to those of you who follow my events and converse with me regularly. I know it has been a long time since my last entry. I have been using the long nights to do all I can to broaden my search. I know that's not an excuse for failing to check in just to let everyone know I'm okay, and I know that I could have returned a phone call or two.
To be honest I can help but feel withdrawn lately. I look around me and it seems that all I find is greed and disregard for others. How could beings with so much potential, settle for so little? Humans are at the top of the food chain, but you could be so much greater, with so little effort. I can't help but feel that I am "joining in the ranks". I feel that when Riley and I were together, the main difference between who I was then and who I am now is "forgiveness". In the time that we were together and so in love, if something unpleasant happened or something didn't quite turn out as planned...I just let it roll off my shoulders. I saw forgiveness and the ability to just "roll with it" as a virtue. Now I can't help but view it as a weakness. Look at what trust and naivety has cost me. Look at what forgiveness and the belief that "we are innately just" has caused me to endure.
To those of you who were worried about me, I am truly sorry. I will do my best to write in more often or at least return your calls. I'm just having a hard time coping at this particular moment in time.
Obviously there has been no luck yet with my search, but that has to be expected. My people are excellent at evasion if nothing else. I will keep you all posted and thank you for your time.
Nolen
To be honest I can help but feel withdrawn lately. I look around me and it seems that all I find is greed and disregard for others. How could beings with so much potential, settle for so little? Humans are at the top of the food chain, but you could be so much greater, with so little effort. I can't help but feel that I am "joining in the ranks". I feel that when Riley and I were together, the main difference between who I was then and who I am now is "forgiveness". In the time that we were together and so in love, if something unpleasant happened or something didn't quite turn out as planned...I just let it roll off my shoulders. I saw forgiveness and the ability to just "roll with it" as a virtue. Now I can't help but view it as a weakness. Look at what trust and naivety has cost me. Look at what forgiveness and the belief that "we are innately just" has caused me to endure.
To those of you who were worried about me, I am truly sorry. I will do my best to write in more often or at least return your calls. I'm just having a hard time coping at this particular moment in time.
Obviously there has been no luck yet with my search, but that has to be expected. My people are excellent at evasion if nothing else. I will keep you all posted and thank you for your time.
Nolen
Monday, January 23, 2012
Darwin's resurrection
I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to decide in which direction to take my blog. I'm still not sure what I have to say to those of you who are currently following and especially those who are just beginning to log on. I suppose since I am still unsure, no format is yet needed, therefore I will spill my thoughts as they manifest.
I declared backing the "occupy" movement in my last entry. I also mentioned that I was unsure of their direction, but I would rather take my chances with new leadership than try and coexist with the current tyranny. I would just like to add that I think the idea of a "leaderless" organization may be a brilliant idea indeed.
Thousands of years ago when my people were hidden into the Earth, there were already civilizations, kings, gods etc. and thus I believe "man" had already started his decline. Look at it this way: Darwin believed that all living things evolved from a single life form. If this is true then it stands to reason that life has existed on this planet through many difficulties by exploring new resources and sharing their strengths with one another. The fast agile female lion will do most of the chasing down of wild gazelles while the more massive and stronger male will protect the den from predators. Animals of a same species will use their strengths in harmony to assure it's existence throughout time.
Before man had mastered becoming the top of the food chain and wandered the lands as groups of nomads, he had already taken his first step toward his own demise. Man has always had wonder and unanswered questions, so it was inevitable that sooner or later someone would claim to have answers. The world had its first witch-doctors and priests and shamans. Men who claimed to have a higher knowledge or understanding of the world, usually through a fabricated god or spirit of some kind. The motive for someone to claim to have these abilities was simple: if what you have is in high demand, you have the ability to trade it to the followers and believers for various necessities or wants.
As time went on and man learned to raise game and livestock as well as cultivate plants, civilization became a reality and now not only was there an ever-growing need for answers, but also those who claimed to answer to a higher power could market their talent to an even bigger audience as people became more established. Many civilizations have flourished and profited from this common way of things, but every dynasty of man has also fallen sooner or later and possibly from the same structure flaw.
I believe the problem is this: Since the beginning of civilization, man has always used a "pyramid" type structure of power or rule. For example a god or gods at the top of the pyramid with a king or shaman just below the leaders appoint special positions to friends or family, slaves at the very bottom and everyone else in between. My point being that while man is the only "civilized" species on the planet he is also the only species to use the "pyramid" order of rule and I believe that when you take a broad group of a species and force them to collect all their resources and use all their strengths for the good of only a small number of leaders at the top, you sacrifice much of the knowledge, creativity and genetic excellence of the majority and thus you hinder the production and progress of your species.
My people are just as much to blame as yours. To say its possible to reverse civilization is ludicrous, but I have faith that through intelligence and wisdom, the majority is beginning to understand this flaw, and hopefully through the same intelligence and wisdom, answers will emerge.
I declared backing the "occupy" movement in my last entry. I also mentioned that I was unsure of their direction, but I would rather take my chances with new leadership than try and coexist with the current tyranny. I would just like to add that I think the idea of a "leaderless" organization may be a brilliant idea indeed.
Thousands of years ago when my people were hidden into the Earth, there were already civilizations, kings, gods etc. and thus I believe "man" had already started his decline. Look at it this way: Darwin believed that all living things evolved from a single life form. If this is true then it stands to reason that life has existed on this planet through many difficulties by exploring new resources and sharing their strengths with one another. The fast agile female lion will do most of the chasing down of wild gazelles while the more massive and stronger male will protect the den from predators. Animals of a same species will use their strengths in harmony to assure it's existence throughout time.
Before man had mastered becoming the top of the food chain and wandered the lands as groups of nomads, he had already taken his first step toward his own demise. Man has always had wonder and unanswered questions, so it was inevitable that sooner or later someone would claim to have answers. The world had its first witch-doctors and priests and shamans. Men who claimed to have a higher knowledge or understanding of the world, usually through a fabricated god or spirit of some kind. The motive for someone to claim to have these abilities was simple: if what you have is in high demand, you have the ability to trade it to the followers and believers for various necessities or wants.
As time went on and man learned to raise game and livestock as well as cultivate plants, civilization became a reality and now not only was there an ever-growing need for answers, but also those who claimed to answer to a higher power could market their talent to an even bigger audience as people became more established. Many civilizations have flourished and profited from this common way of things, but every dynasty of man has also fallen sooner or later and possibly from the same structure flaw.
I believe the problem is this: Since the beginning of civilization, man has always used a "pyramid" type structure of power or rule. For example a god or gods at the top of the pyramid with a king or shaman just below the leaders appoint special positions to friends or family, slaves at the very bottom and everyone else in between. My point being that while man is the only "civilized" species on the planet he is also the only species to use the "pyramid" order of rule and I believe that when you take a broad group of a species and force them to collect all their resources and use all their strengths for the good of only a small number of leaders at the top, you sacrifice much of the knowledge, creativity and genetic excellence of the majority and thus you hinder the production and progress of your species.
My people are just as much to blame as yours. To say its possible to reverse civilization is ludicrous, but I have faith that through intelligence and wisdom, the majority is beginning to understand this flaw, and hopefully through the same intelligence and wisdom, answers will emerge.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
occupying a place other than the apt.
To those of you who have been following along: I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I took a flight to Atlanta over the holidays to follow a particular lead. It was either a false alarm or a hoax. From any perspective I seem to be no closer to finding any of my family.
That's not the only reason for delaying my blog. While returning from Atlanta one of the investigators working for Derek and I informed us that my location may be compromised. The origin of the information leak was unknown, so Derek and I were escorted to a safe house by the head investigator as it was believed that occupying the apartment might be dangerous. This too turned out to be a false alarm, but until we were sure, I didn't want to blog on this site until I knew it was safe.
This brings me to yet another topic. I mentioned before that I had dropped off some necessities to the local "occupy" group. I also said that I wasn't sure where I stood as far as backing them or not. I have thought long and hard about this and I have made a decision. I'm not sure that I could pinpoint the exact goals of the occupy movement and for that reason it is hard to get behind them, but I have come to this realization...There seem to be hundreds of people in that group with hundreds of different ideas, but they can all agree that the current "powers that be" are not governing efficiently and I think that is a point that 99 percent CAN agree on. I have been hunted and assaulted since the governments first knowledge of my existence. I've not harmed them in any way, but they made it quite clear at the airport that they were not interested in sitting down and talking or anything remotely civilized. The United States government has made it abundantly clear to me that they have no intentions of negotiating, collaborating, or responding in anyway except brute force to those that they do not understand or those who offer a different perspective or those who question their motives.
I'm not sure that I believe in everything that "occupiers" may stand for, but I know that I can agree with them that the government has seriously misused it's governing authority as well as mislead it's citizens. I think many politicians have "crawled into bed" with huge corporate companies and corrupted true capitalism and free enterprise in exchange for money. I think that many of these politicians knew that it would lead to the economic demise of many, many hard working citizens but they didn't care. Please write in and correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that if a public service employee (politician) purposefully jeopardized the well being of those who elected him ( U.S. citizens ) that public servant not only broke an oath when he was sworn into office, but he was also guilty committing a particular crime (treason).
To commit treason is considered such an intolerable crime with such grim consequences that it CAN be punishable with a death sentence. If they were jaywalking or committing petty theft they would still be wrong for doing so, but these guys are engaging in acts that destroy many peoples lives and well being.
It's for this reason that I've decided to back the "occupy" movement in any way that I can. So if any of my followers are participants of the movement, I wish you prosperity in your goals and I will continue to show my support in every way that I am able.
That's not the only reason for delaying my blog. While returning from Atlanta one of the investigators working for Derek and I informed us that my location may be compromised. The origin of the information leak was unknown, so Derek and I were escorted to a safe house by the head investigator as it was believed that occupying the apartment might be dangerous. This too turned out to be a false alarm, but until we were sure, I didn't want to blog on this site until I knew it was safe.
This brings me to yet another topic. I mentioned before that I had dropped off some necessities to the local "occupy" group. I also said that I wasn't sure where I stood as far as backing them or not. I have thought long and hard about this and I have made a decision. I'm not sure that I could pinpoint the exact goals of the occupy movement and for that reason it is hard to get behind them, but I have come to this realization...There seem to be hundreds of people in that group with hundreds of different ideas, but they can all agree that the current "powers that be" are not governing efficiently and I think that is a point that 99 percent CAN agree on. I have been hunted and assaulted since the governments first knowledge of my existence. I've not harmed them in any way, but they made it quite clear at the airport that they were not interested in sitting down and talking or anything remotely civilized. The United States government has made it abundantly clear to me that they have no intentions of negotiating, collaborating, or responding in anyway except brute force to those that they do not understand or those who offer a different perspective or those who question their motives.
I'm not sure that I believe in everything that "occupiers" may stand for, but I know that I can agree with them that the government has seriously misused it's governing authority as well as mislead it's citizens. I think many politicians have "crawled into bed" with huge corporate companies and corrupted true capitalism and free enterprise in exchange for money. I think that many of these politicians knew that it would lead to the economic demise of many, many hard working citizens but they didn't care. Please write in and correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that if a public service employee (politician) purposefully jeopardized the well being of those who elected him ( U.S. citizens ) that public servant not only broke an oath when he was sworn into office, but he was also guilty committing a particular crime (treason).
To commit treason is considered such an intolerable crime with such grim consequences that it CAN be punishable with a death sentence. If they were jaywalking or committing petty theft they would still be wrong for doing so, but these guys are engaging in acts that destroy many peoples lives and well being.
It's for this reason that I've decided to back the "occupy" movement in any way that I can. So if any of my followers are participants of the movement, I wish you prosperity in your goals and I will continue to show my support in every way that I am able.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The perfect time for reunification
The private investigative team that Derek helped me hire has found another lead. They should know if it's authentic or not by the end of the week. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but while everyone else is preparing to spend one of several holidays coming up, I can't help but to think that it would be wonderful for me to spend this brisk season with my loved ones.
I'm not the fondest of the trying weather, but I must admit that I do enjoy the long winter nights. I would love to be able to report more to you about my happenings, but to be honest this week has been rather dull. I mean work has definitely kept me busy, but outside of that it's been quite calm.
Well, wish me luck and happy holiday for whatever you may celebrate this time of year.
I'm not the fondest of the trying weather, but I must admit that I do enjoy the long winter nights. I would love to be able to report more to you about my happenings, but to be honest this week has been rather dull. I mean work has definitely kept me busy, but outside of that it's been quite calm.
Well, wish me luck and happy holiday for whatever you may celebrate this time of year.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The transformation to Vampire
To those of you who I've met since the beginning of my blog: Thank you for your assistance and support thus far. I've had a chance to speak to a couple of you more than the others, but I gather that all of you wish to know more about the human transformation to Vampire. It's quite expected; if I were you I would probably ask the same.
Those of you who have read "The Beckoning" are aware of the traits and abilities that separate me from yourselves. I know that to most, I probably come across as enchanted, but I don't think my traits play a big role in your intrigue. I am aware that my abilities have aided me in many situations, but I think that the biggest differences between man and Vampire are psychological.
I've seen many of Hollywood's depictions of the transformation from man to Vampire and the concept for the most part is ridiculous. One day you're a man hitting "rock bottom" in life and the next, you're equipped with fangs, super strength, speed and elusiveness and the gift of immortality. At the same time, you're told that you have to say goodbye to your friends and family forever, prey on those who were once your peers and never be in the presence of sunlight again. I can't see anyone going through that change overnight without having a nervous breakdown. I mean, who undergoes that kind of dynamic change in that amount of time without completely losing their mind? A lot of the characters in the stories have an identity crisis before the metamorphosis. Are we really supposed to believe that the same person finds solace in an over night transformation of that magnitude? It's not like the character just dyed his hair or bought a new wardrobe. It's like someone telling you that tomorrow you're going to start living as a bear, or a tiger, or an owl and you're going to continue that lifestyle for the rest of your days. How realistic would that be?
The truth is that most of the differences of humans and Vampires boil down to very few gene differences and a lot of psychological differences. Vampire have been bred to be dominant and aggressive in our environment, in order to survive. Your societies have bred you to be humble and passive, in order to more easily control you. I can show you how to live as Vampire. I'm not promising anyone anything at this point, but I CAN provide a "gene therapy" to help awaken genes that have been dormant inside you for thousands of years. If subjected to this "therapy", you will begin to form longer, sharper canine teeth. You will begin to become sensitive to UV rays, particularly sunlight. Your organs such as your liver, lungs and heart, as well as your adrenal glands will begin to accelerate in performance. I can offer you these things if we agree that you are ready, but you must first begin to devolve mentally. You must unlearn the "normal reactions" to various encounters and situations.
The process isn't as complicated as it may sound. Let me ask you which concept seems more likely to be the truth: When you as a teenager go through what your society calls "teenage angst" or "hormones", is that (A.) A period of time in your life when you are coming into adulthood and hormones are raging out of control and though no other in the animal kingdom, no other intelligent mammal displays such traits, you feel it necessary to rebel against the constructs that have been built by your species, your governments, your pastors, even your parents as you suffer through bouts of depression, rage and other seemingly unnecessary emotions? OR (B.)Your species has been bred generation after generation, century after century to behave and respond to commands with compliance and passiveness, in order to be more easily controlled by those few who are in power and your feelings are nothing more than a logical reaction to being "raped" into the ways of your parents, pastors, teachers, congressmen?
Take a look at the news in your city, country, your planet. It's easy to see who the ones in control are. And it's easy to see that many of them are breaking laws that you are taught to abide by. What do you think would happen if you broke one of these laws? Would you get the same treatment? You have been bred to be passive, subservient...a slave. Your so called "raging hormones" or "teenage angst" was nothing more than your reluctance to surrender your animal instincts that you were born with. The instincts that allowed your ancestors to survive since they began to stand upright.
The transformation back to the true nature of what you were meant to be, is a process and long before you develop the over-sized canines and enhanced strength and speed, you will already be aware that these things make very little difference compared to the new perceptions, reactions and thought process you've gained. Becoming Vampire is a process that begins in your mind and starts with the process of learning to bleed out all the bullshit that has been instilled in your upbringing, your schooling, your religion and your government. If something feels wrong it probably is, even if society tells you it's alright. You should learn to rely on your instincts and intuition more often. They were good enough to get you to the top of the food chain, right? If you're still undecided, take a look at the nearest intelligent mammal. Your neighbor's pet dog or the neighborhood's stray cat usually has the answer you are looking for if you are willing to truly open your eyes and look for it.
I can help every one of you with your transformation, but this is not something you learn from a book. Everyone will move at a different rate and reach different goals at different times. It will be a difficult path to travel because it goes against everything you've been taught. The good news is that if you are alive and breathing today, you possess the genes to make the transformation,
I am in great need of finding my family. I know that there is really nothing to expect at this point, but know that if anyone out there can help me locate even one of them, I will try my best to assure you success in your transformation, as you will have my undivided attention.
Those of you who have read "The Beckoning" are aware of the traits and abilities that separate me from yourselves. I know that to most, I probably come across as enchanted, but I don't think my traits play a big role in your intrigue. I am aware that my abilities have aided me in many situations, but I think that the biggest differences between man and Vampire are psychological.
I've seen many of Hollywood's depictions of the transformation from man to Vampire and the concept for the most part is ridiculous. One day you're a man hitting "rock bottom" in life and the next, you're equipped with fangs, super strength, speed and elusiveness and the gift of immortality. At the same time, you're told that you have to say goodbye to your friends and family forever, prey on those who were once your peers and never be in the presence of sunlight again. I can't see anyone going through that change overnight without having a nervous breakdown. I mean, who undergoes that kind of dynamic change in that amount of time without completely losing their mind? A lot of the characters in the stories have an identity crisis before the metamorphosis. Are we really supposed to believe that the same person finds solace in an over night transformation of that magnitude? It's not like the character just dyed his hair or bought a new wardrobe. It's like someone telling you that tomorrow you're going to start living as a bear, or a tiger, or an owl and you're going to continue that lifestyle for the rest of your days. How realistic would that be?
The truth is that most of the differences of humans and Vampires boil down to very few gene differences and a lot of psychological differences. Vampire have been bred to be dominant and aggressive in our environment, in order to survive. Your societies have bred you to be humble and passive, in order to more easily control you. I can show you how to live as Vampire. I'm not promising anyone anything at this point, but I CAN provide a "gene therapy" to help awaken genes that have been dormant inside you for thousands of years. If subjected to this "therapy", you will begin to form longer, sharper canine teeth. You will begin to become sensitive to UV rays, particularly sunlight. Your organs such as your liver, lungs and heart, as well as your adrenal glands will begin to accelerate in performance. I can offer you these things if we agree that you are ready, but you must first begin to devolve mentally. You must unlearn the "normal reactions" to various encounters and situations.
The process isn't as complicated as it may sound. Let me ask you which concept seems more likely to be the truth: When you as a teenager go through what your society calls "teenage angst" or "hormones", is that (A.) A period of time in your life when you are coming into adulthood and hormones are raging out of control and though no other in the animal kingdom, no other intelligent mammal displays such traits, you feel it necessary to rebel against the constructs that have been built by your species, your governments, your pastors, even your parents as you suffer through bouts of depression, rage and other seemingly unnecessary emotions? OR (B.)Your species has been bred generation after generation, century after century to behave and respond to commands with compliance and passiveness, in order to be more easily controlled by those few who are in power and your feelings are nothing more than a logical reaction to being "raped" into the ways of your parents, pastors, teachers, congressmen?
Take a look at the news in your city, country, your planet. It's easy to see who the ones in control are. And it's easy to see that many of them are breaking laws that you are taught to abide by. What do you think would happen if you broke one of these laws? Would you get the same treatment? You have been bred to be passive, subservient...a slave. Your so called "raging hormones" or "teenage angst" was nothing more than your reluctance to surrender your animal instincts that you were born with. The instincts that allowed your ancestors to survive since they began to stand upright.
The transformation back to the true nature of what you were meant to be, is a process and long before you develop the over-sized canines and enhanced strength and speed, you will already be aware that these things make very little difference compared to the new perceptions, reactions and thought process you've gained. Becoming Vampire is a process that begins in your mind and starts with the process of learning to bleed out all the bullshit that has been instilled in your upbringing, your schooling, your religion and your government. If something feels wrong it probably is, even if society tells you it's alright. You should learn to rely on your instincts and intuition more often. They were good enough to get you to the top of the food chain, right? If you're still undecided, take a look at the nearest intelligent mammal. Your neighbor's pet dog or the neighborhood's stray cat usually has the answer you are looking for if you are willing to truly open your eyes and look for it.
I can help every one of you with your transformation, but this is not something you learn from a book. Everyone will move at a different rate and reach different goals at different times. It will be a difficult path to travel because it goes against everything you've been taught. The good news is that if you are alive and breathing today, you possess the genes to make the transformation,
I am in great need of finding my family. I know that there is really nothing to expect at this point, but know that if anyone out there can help me locate even one of them, I will try my best to assure you success in your transformation, as you will have my undivided attention.
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