Asch only scratched the surface

Priority 1: Self preservation Priority 2: Reproduce This is what we are taught, but it's not what I see. People give their lives in the pursuit of acceptance or due to lack of it. Would this not mean that there's a precedence to self preservation? Suicide cults, military, suicide bombers all willing to give their lives. The Asch experiment on conformity proves that we'll sacrifice what we know is right, in order to "fit in". It is my belief that the Asch experiment only scratched the surface of what we will do, in order to be accepted by the ones we wish to emulate. Priority 1: Acceptance Priority 2: Self preservation Priority 3: Reproduce It doesn't make sense psychologically, but it does explain society much clearer, don't you think? What does this say about our psychology, our nature, our future, our destiny, our purpose? I am very interested in feedback from those of you, who have an opinion, whether it is in agreement to my post, or the contrary.

they leave their scent on everything they touch

Funding for my search runs low. Perhaps the search itself is futile. I spoke with Derek on the subject via Skype, a few days ago. He said he may have options available to me in order to prolong my search, but I didn't like the tone in his voice. I could just be paranoid. I must admit I'm at a disadvantage when conversing with someone by phone, as I cannot detect the scent of fear, adrenaline and other emotions and chemicals that one may attempt to elude from me. The militia continues to expand the perimeter, but there have been a few setbacks due to visits from certain politicians. Homeland Security is thorough when securing territory. The government's security and surveillance is an ever-growing threat to me. Some days I fear that the time of confrontation, quickly approaches. Other days I long for it and it doesn't seem to come quick enough. For now I watch them, attempting to watch me. They are sure to watch all of you. It's a good thing they leave their scent on everything they touch. I find their audio and video surveillance equipment disguised as rocks, behind vinyl siding panels, in air-conditioning units, fixed atop radio antennas, billboards, trees, you name it. I remove the ones I can ( meaning when I can make it look like an accident, malfunction or "act of god"). When I can't I make sure to document the location for myself, as well as the militia. I've yet to spot a "drone" plane and I often wonder if they've spotted me. The only defense I have against them is to listen to the night sky, change my location often and use extreme caution when leaving and returning to the compound.

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

Sex: No matter what trends come and go, no matter what the politicians, priests and parents tell you, sex will always be a priority. Scientists rank it as #2, just behind self preservation. Religions can tell you it's good or bad, government can control it or liberate it, parents can condone it or forbid it...all in all, you're still going to have sex. It is the primal urge that supersedes anything that anyone could ever teach you. It is the "animal" in us that refuses to die. Drugs: The drugs referred to in the phrase "sex, drugs and rock and roll are considered "recreational drugs". Most of them have had some sort of "healing" qualities in the past and have been part of medical practice. These days many of them are banned or illegal and usually taken in larger quantities than prescribed by doctors. There are countless numbers of narcotics, with countless effects, but they all seem to alter your perception of your environment, if taken in particular doses. They all seem to affect how you react to your environment. You "think differently". To be under the influence of recreational narcotics, is not considered "mainstream". Your thoughts and actions and influence, is not "mainstream". Rock and Roll: At the time that the phrase "sex, drugs and rock and roll" came to be used, rock and roll was a term used to describe any non-secular type music that encourage any form of non-conformity. Today's genre's would also include much of hip-hop, rock and roll, of course, heavy metal, alternative and many other forms of music that promote turning your speakers full volume and "losing yourself" in the music, or promoting a non-conformist attitude. Religious leaders have condemned sex, drugs and rock and roll at one time or another. Usually relating the acts to evil and violence. I find this to be disturbing, when more people have committed genocide, murder, rape and torture of others, in the name of religion than sex, drugs and rock and roll together. You can add in hip-hop, heavy metal and all the others if you wish and religion still wins by a long shot. If you would like you can throw in sex and drugs also...religion still wins. This brings me to the scientific conclusion that it may be safer and surely more humane to "go along with" sex, drugs and/ or rock and roll, and leave religion for conformist, delusional, genocidal, maniacs...or the general public, as you may call them.

The treeline

I grasp at ideas, like sparks of light that float above a bonfire. I hold them tightly, desperately, in hopes of finding a solution. I feel their energy surge through me in a flicker of hope. I watch them turn to ash, as I realize it's only another futile concept. My mind is coming unraveled without her. In the beginning I wasn't sure how long I could resist confrontation with them. Now I'm not sure that I want to resist. Perhaps I would rather insist on confrontation, on conflict, on carnage. As I fed earlier tonight, I decided to continue my hunt on other prey. Not necessarily to feed, as I was filled from my first kill of the evening. I hunted and tracked, just for kill. I spotted my prey sitting about a hundred yards off. As I slowly moved in, I thought about the ones who attacked Derek a while ago. I thought about the ones at the airstrip. I stopped about thirty yards out from the unsuspecting victim and let my anger surge through my veins, letting out a thunderous roar. The "soon to be victim" peered up and fixed his gaze directly on me. He seemed to be contemplating or waiting further action on my part. As I clinched my fists and contorted into a "launching" position, like a runner at the starting line, my prey shook from his gaze. He quickly darted toward the nearest treeline. The ground shook beneath me as I took my first strides. As the adrenaline began pounding into my temples, I accelerated further. I was closing in quickly. The exhausted prey running off pure adrenaline, slowly decelerated and quickly glanced back at his attacker. He was several feet from the treeline. Once inside, he could hide in one of countless places. How close he had come to being my sacrifice. He had underestimated me. As he glanced back at me, I leaped forward. He had just enough time to resume his position toward the treeline, before my fingertips came from behind and grasped his fragile throat. I squeezed as my body's momentum brought me ever-closer to him. I squeezed harder still as my salivating fangs, made themselves known to his flesh. Both our hearts beat infinite times in that moment, as my gums and my tongue and the roof of my palate, felt his warm vitality flow forth. I gripped him tighter as his body twisted and jerked in an attempt to flee. My right forefinger tore through the side of his spine as I grasped and bit and tore in a rage and fit of adrenaline, anger and testosterone. Just beyond the treeline, his female and offspring, watched in horror. I had caught a glimpse of them all, just before making contact with the "now deceased". As I stood feeding off his twitching carcass, I expected my humanity to over-ride my crazed fit and deliver unmeasurable remorse...but nothing. The flow of testosterone weakened into waves and as they came and went, I felt no remorse, no regret, only hungrier for more. I viewed the family, frozen in petrification. I looked each of them in the eye, then while viewing them all and having their paternal figure limp in my teeth, I let out a low grumble. The family shot through the forest and into the darkness. This was the first time in a while, I hadn't felt like "the victim". I felt powerful...not because I had made the kill, but because I wasn't running. I wasn't hiding. I was the aggressor...the harbinger. Was this going to make me feel better about what happened at the airstrip...NO! ...But it might be a step in the right direction.

The lost symbiosis between man-kind and Vampire

Not an eventful weekend. As I watch tonight, I do not know if it is evidence of solace that I seek or evidence to the contrary. I no longer feel empathy for the society I once aspired to join. There will never again be a symbiosis between man-kind and Vampire. A resolution will soon come to pass...it must.

Restraint does not become me

I arise this evening jaded with thoughts of vengeance. I watch atop my favorite balcony, jaded with thoughts of vengeance. I gnash my teeth in disgust and rage at the thought of what I've lost to the insecurities of man. I don't believe all of you to be this way, but like others before me, I feel backed into a corner...tortured. It is easy to stereotype, when you view nothing but scattered, hurried illusion of progress. If I were to act on impulse, it would mean a great awakening for mankind, as I smashed the illusion that man is at the top of the food chain...the evolutionary ladder. I watch day after day, the mundane bustling of everyone going nowhere. Like ants who scatter. I would be a candle that someone has ignited and planted atop the mound. The ants scurry out, one by one, ascending the candle to attack the flame...and one by one, meeting their demise. Their attack is ill-thought and of haste and panic. It is futile. I wear the Great Phoenix upon my palm. I am a warrior...a harbinger of death. As the nights pass, I see less and less logic in restraint. Should I not react to the vile disregard that I was given? Do I not reign supreme over the ones who partake in the search for my kind? Am I not Vampire? I have instructed a small group of the militia, to seek out locations of various "violators of the peace", between man and Vampire. I have sought answers from Derek about the airstrip and the operation that was carried out that night. I will have my justice...my vengeance.

It's not okay

Another lonely night. Derek has gone and the militia men, constantly scout throughout the night in shifts, in order to further expand a safe perimeter. The men tell me that revolt is inevitable. If they had spoken to me before the happening at the airstrip about such things, I would have passed them off as paranoid, conspiracy theorists. I can no longer view them in this manner, for I have seen the inhumanity of soldiers and agents. I have seen the callousness of politicians and other officials. It seems as if man, and this country in particular, is hell-bent on waging war with others. The wars are not fought over rights of men, women and children. The wars are not fought over rights to medicines and nourishment. The wars are over greed, pride and lust to be the most dominant. The ones in charge, indoctrinate segregation to anyone who does not dress like you, talk like you, believe in your beliefs. You are taught that if they're not like you, their intentions must be evil, negative or violent. You suffer from over-exposure to the idea that it's okay to commit violent acts, murder and even genocide, to those who are different. Bombs light up the night sky in villages. Defenses are smashed, businesses are smashed, churches are smashed, schools are smashed, homes are smashed. Father's hold their wives and tell them "it will be okay". Wives hold their crying children and tell them "it will be okay". Hours go bye and bombs light up the night sky. Dead children are held by their mothers. Dead mothers are held by their dead husbands. It's not okay. What happened on that airstrip, was inspired by greed, pride and lust to be the most dominant. The ones who gave the orders, have the nerve to portray me as a monster. Do they even know what I am, what they are, what we could learn from one another? I don't want to hate them, but nothing else makes sense. I think deep down, I've always known what they stood for. I THOUGHT I knew what I stood for. I don't know anymore. I try and remain logical about all this, but my emotions run and my thoughts become discombobulated. I hope I find new answers and reason. If not, I look at man through jaded eyes forevermore.

You are beckoned! Now, show me Harbinger!

December 12, 2012 approaches. I expect all of my followers to do what they can to assist in "Operation Mayhem". Now is the time to show your dedication. What everyone MUST realize Do your part! Show me Vampire CNN acknowledges the power of intelligence and information Stop the Ukraine Our beloved leaders

Role Call !!!

For those who are open-minded and want more from this one chance at life: You’re going to have to step back, look at ALL of it objectively and IMMEDIATELY DROP all the b.s., no matter how many people say it’s accurate. Until then, you are doing no good for yourself or anyone else. I don't claim to know all the answers, but I will say that it seems society is not what it claims. Evidence appears to point to the contrary. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Jesus loves everyone, the government is doing all it can to make our lives easier from one generation to the next, maybe religions, laws, parents' rules and regulations should all be followed to the "T", without any question or objective perception. Maybe we should all be striving to encompass ourselves in a cubical that affords us a thirty year mortgage on a house that will become our "prison away from work" and the latest million and a half dollar super-car that we'll be sure to look like pompous, materialistic pricks driving. Let's throw some spinning rims and fine jewelry on the Mastercard, just to make sure we're so far in the hole we've dug for ourselves, we can't even see the surface any longer, so we don't even know which way to begin climbing. This is the "American Dream". Society will tell you that it brings happiness. Society will tell you that you should constantly strive for it. The harder you work, the more money you're taxed. The more expensive the items you purchase, the more you are taxed. Should you stand back and take a long hard look at the society we live in? Should you refuse to live this way if you don't see it giving you happiness? Should you revolt, if you are forced to play a part in this broken society? Religious leaders will tell you "No! Do not revolt. Turn the other cheek. Be passive. Pray into the air that you get a 'better hand' the next time around." Government officials (From the president to the mayors, teachers and cops) will say "No! Do not revolt. You should strive to be a law abiding citizen." Parents will tell you "No! Don't revolt. You should strive to own fine homes, automobiles, etc." Okay, let's assume that your parents love you and even if the governments and religions have hidden agendas, your parents wouldn't sacrifice your happiness to benefit society...unless they didn't know. Your parents and grandparents were preached to about "honor" and "moral just" and "defending our god given rights", then sent into Vietnam to "defend our christian nation". We now know that the Vietnam War was a hoax. The North Vietnamese did not fire on us and start the war. This was a sham concocted by the government. We now live in an age of information and we are learning more and more about the ruthless untruths and disregard for human life practiced by our government. Watch American soldiers were "defending our GOD GIVEN freedom" Watch Great works of our society Watch I guess Jesus doesn't care for Vietnamese babies. Uncle Sam obviously doesn't Religion and our "God given freedom", has been used to conduct the most vicious act of genocide in history. "TOTAL: When I take all the individual death tolls listed here, weed out the duplicates, fill in the blanks, apply Occam ("Pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate"), etc. I get a very rough total of 1½ M deaths in the Crusades." This quote is taken from Death count, due to christian crusades If anyone wishes to debate my findings, you are invited to chime in with whatever reply you wish. I only ask that you provide sources to back up your claims and/ or reasoning behind them. No bible versus please, as I have read the King James edition, as well as the NIV and find no documented proof to back any versus that condone the behavior we've witnessed from christianity throughout the ages. I maintain my position that religion and society are "hand in hand" in the undoing of humanity and human nature. To all those opposed: I look forward to your findings. YouTube - Videos from this email As soon as Christianity was legal (315), more and more pagan temples were destroyed by Christian mob. Pagan priests were killed. Between 315 and 6th century thousands of pagan believers were slain. Examples of destroyed Temples: the Sanctuary of Aesculap in Aegaea, the Temple of Aphrodite in Golgatha, Aphaka in Lebanon, the Heliopolis. Christian priests such as Mark of Arethusa or Cyrill of Heliopolis were famous as "temple destroyer." [DA468] Pagan services became punishable by death in 356. [DA468] Christian Emperor Theodosius (408-450) even had children executed, because they had been playing with remains of pagan statues. [DA469] According to Christian chroniclers he "followed meticulously all Christian teachings..." In 6th century pagans were declared void of all rights. In the early fourth century the philosopher Sopatros was executed on demand of Christian authorities. [DA466] The world famous female philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was torn to pieces with glass fragments by a hysterical Christian mob led by a Christian minister named Peter, in a church, in 415. [DO19-25] -taken from http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm I would advise minors and the weak of stomach, not to watch the following: God Given Rights This is similar to the witchcraft trials you may have learned about in school. Our society stems from such actions. YouTube - Videos from this email

Harbinger soon rears it's ugly head

I watch in disgust as my adversaries execute their plans: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXg2WsNCrW4&feature=related

To those who wish to challenge: The ball is in your court.

In the past I have posted entries claiming my belief in man's evolution from fire. I have received interesting comments from several groups of people and by interesting, I mean anything from fabricated, to vile to threatening. I have given reasons and resources that back my claim. One of the groups who likes to reply disrespectfully is the group that calls themselves christians. If any of my readers are christian, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am not a worshiper of such nonsense, nor will I ever be. In my experience, christians as a whole, are insecure, naive bigots who spend their time feeling superior by condemning people of other faiths, or no faith at all...and when their done, they turn on each other. So without further adieu, I will give examples of the sources from which I draw my opinions. Your God Is Based On Primitive Psychology That Promotes Passivity

Assisting hypocrites and blasphemers

Last night after surveying the downtown area, I decided to move to a different location. I settled myself atop the roof of some type of natural gas facility (I think). A couple of tractor-trailers and a fleet of yellow pickups below me. I watched as a man screamed into the air about someone's "ulterior motives" and how he would "never trust her again". I then saw the Motorola earpiece, and kind of smirked at myself, as I was about to declare the man insane for speaking so intensely to himself. I could hear and feel his heart beating from across the street. I could smell and taste the alcohol on his breath. I watched as he got into his foreign sedan and sped away. He was in no shape to drive, but who was I to stop him? Looking back at how events unfolded, I sometime wish I would have taken more chances. Of course I could always start today. All is particularly dull for the next few minutes, then a car pulls behind the store. An odd place to park, since there are spaces in the front near the door. My attention draws even closer to the vehicle as I can smell a rich mixture of gasoline and human adrenaline. The driver's heart is racing. The vehicle is left running while the driver exits and sprints to the front of the store. He looks in multiple directions with intense expectations in his eyes. Is he running from someone? He is a shorter, small framed man in dark clothes, except for his scuffed Nikes. As he rounds the corner to the door, he pulls a dark skull cap over his face. His intentions become clear. I was always taught to help those in need, but the thought now promotes a bitter taste in my mouth, due to the situation with Riley and the children she was attempting to assist. I can't see into the store from my location, but I wait to hear gunfire. After only a few moments, the front door swings open and the small framed man races out of the store. He makes a wide turn around the corner, then into his car and quickly disappears behind a nearby treeline. I still don't know if I feel guilty for not assisting the store clerk. I ponder my actions and as the authorities begin to arrive, I make myself scarce and work my way back towards the compound. I know Riley would want me to help the clerk, but at the same time, I would be assisting a society and government that has shown me nothing but hostility. A society and government that has tracked my people like animals and taken life without hesitation. Why should I assist such men, such hypocrites, such blasphemers of their own rules? I think I'm glad that I did not.

The mind has strengths and weaknesses

You may think that religions like Christianity, Judaism or Islam must be based on some kind of truth, in order for so many people to believe, but that's not necessarily true. First off, look at how the "domino effect" influences even strong minded people. You can say you're an independent thinker, but how many name brand items did you opt to purchase or request to have purchased for you in the past year? How many of those items do you know to be a superior product due to your own experience? How could you make such an absurd idea like an all-knowing god, if you can't perceive him with any of your senses? It's surprisingly easy. It's as simple as mixing things everyone knows to be true with lies that promote your intentions. As people become more comfortable with accepting the lies as plausible, because they're accompanied by facts, you can exaggerate your fictions even further and still find the majority of the masses to agree with you. Also, the power of suggestion can sometimes produce unreasonable results. Please watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il0u2s_WGXAWhy http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&v=XcywPdORySA&NR=1I http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgDx5g9ql1gbeleive http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcmvbXgmdsUwhat http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=OSsPfbup0ac&NR=1I http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=ZuometYfMTkdo. I don't want anyone to watch these and develop a sense of pessimism. Life can and should be a beautiful thing...enjoy it. I share this information with you in hopes of encouraging you to use your own minds and also to realize that the mind has strengths and weaknesses, so try and develop your own theories, concepts, opinions and judgements to live by. Remember, if you end up being wrong in a particular circumstance, don't be discouraged as we all make mistakes. If you learn from the experience, it is just that: an experience.

Through Vampire Eyes

I would like to remind everyone that I have had decades to research information that has led to my concepts and theories. This is again somewhat of a recap, but I want everyone to keep in mind that what you are fed by mass media, mass religion and mass public, is not always accurate. On the contrary, I find much of the current information being released to be of no importance, vague, tainted or outright incorrect. Please take the time to do your own research and find the truth for yourselves. I know it seems as if some of the things discussed on this page, don't pertain to you, but this is precisely the way that the ones in control have always propagandized their agenda. I was speaking with an acquaintance last night and what I wrote to him seemed to flow well, so I thought I would post it: My theory is that mankind had it right with the worship of Amun Ra. The only problem with having the masses worship such a fearless and intense god, is that mankind had a tendency to emulate him. The Pharaohs, priests, shaman etc. soon learned to preach of more humble and passive gods, thus our masses of passive "sheeple" we have today. All the better for the ones in power to maintain control. There are many arguments that fire is alive. Science usually declares fire as "non-living", because it doesn't spread it's DNA as it reproduces. By the same definition, viruses are "non-living", as they have but one strand of DNA and need a live cell in order to reproduce. Maybe the spreading of genetic code, as we know it, is an outdated way to characterize life. When I look at fire, I definitely see a living, breathing, consuming, reproducing creature. If fire IS alive, then it's much more obvious how we evolved. It's also obvious that concepts involving being "civilized" and "law abiding citizens" and "passive" would also be outdated concepts. I'm not saying there should be anarchy. Even fire has patterns of behavior and is predictable. I'm saying that we have been force-fed lies since early childhood and it may be in the best interest of us who are like-minded to collaborate and decide the most efficient and prosperous ways to live our life. Below is a very short, four minute, video that states that some of the oldest life man-kind knows of, is an ancient bacteria that grows from "black smokers" (hydrothermal vents), or in laymen's terms, bacteria that live in the fiery mantle spouting up through the ocean floor. Could this be where the first live organisms came from? Did the fiery mantle of the Earth, find a way to coexist with H2O by forming a hybrid fusion of fire and water?: More insight to the Truth

"Just kiddin' Abraham"

This entry is somewhat of a re-cap of things I've posted before, but I feel that I can't say it enough. I hope those of you who read this understand that I'm not preaching or exaggerating. On the contrary, I suggest you do your own research and make decisions based on your own findings. I believe that society has failed this generation far more than this generation has failed society. I believe that this culture is probably beyond repair and has been for quite some time. I believe it started at the dawn of civilization when man invented religion. Society condemns itself without question. The majority of the world cowers to the few in charge. The masses accept what the few at the top proclaim as fact. How could so many people be so naive, you may ask. The answer is simple: Brainwashing. During pre-kindergarten ages, our parents were taught fiction tales about a fat man in a red suit who brings them shiny, new, material possessions, because they followed all the rules. They're also taught that a supernatural, omnipotent peasant/carpenter, watches their every move and judges them constantly. Not to worry though, as long as they abide by rules, they are promised perfection, however those who don't follow the impossible rules of this totalitarian, dictator will be punished eternally with no chance for salvation. Your parents in turn, taught you the same stories. We are all slaves to the few at the top of the "economic food chain" who run the show. These power-hungry, genocidal giants, strip us of happiness, gratification and dignity, with talk of god, laws, rules and regulations until we are left feeling alone and empty. Why would they do such a thing? It's obvious, if you stop and think about it. Once you are empty inside, the capitalist nightmare we call our economy, can sell you various things that guarantee to fill your empty void. For ex.: Luxury automobiles and homes, designer clothing, drugs, alcohol and even the god who helped create the void. After all, if you'll believe in a god that loves us all, but told Abraham to take his child atop a mountain and stab a hole in his chest, only to exclaim at the last second "Just kiddin' Abraham. I just wanted to see if you would do it for me." If you'll believe that an "all loving" god, manifested his own child in human form, had him hunted like an animal, severely beaten and nailed to a chunk of wood to die in the dessert heat, in order to prove his love for man-kind. And if you'll believe there's a fat bastard who chuckles when you sit on his lap and has nothing but good things in mind for you, what won't you believe? It's not hard to see that society is crumbling. I'm not sure exactly what to do about it. I know I can't live like the "sheeple" who populate most of the country. The only answer I have for right now, is that all of us who are "like-minded" should collaborate on ideas and concepts, to see if we can come up with a new direction to head in, even if the masses don't/won't follow.

things of interest

of utter importance We should all hope that this information is inaccurate or exaggerated, but I have witnessed first hand, the governments ability to use unnecessary force and cover it up completely. The Federal I.D. didn't come to be, but your state issue I.D. or Driver's License has a bar code on the reverse side. Authorities can use this bar code to obtain your information from anywhere in the world.

Fate I can't make sense of

I'm missing Riley terribly. I often question religions, fate and things of this nature. If I could have any supernatural ability on this Earth, it would be the capability of knowing who to trust and to what extent I could trust them. Why can't I have the simple gift of knowing that she's okay and that I'll see her again someday? Is it too much to ask? It would bring so much comfort to me. I sit alone tonight perching on yet another balcony, overlooking the active downtown area of Winston-Salem. I watch in hopes to find answers. Answers to why humanity is so insecure and quick to segregate themselves from one another. You obviously feel most relaxed and have the most enjoyment from being amongst the congregation of others. Man is so quick to judge others as the others in turn judge him. Racial, cultural, social and economical divides, shred freedoms and camaraderies that you should be rejoicing in and benefiting from. I look for reasons for the fate that I've endured thus far. I can't make sense of it and the more disappointment I find in mankind, the more angry and hostile I feel inside. In the past I have tried so hard to be a fellow citizen and to participate and contribute to society, but now I can't help but feel distanced from people. I feel so much contempt for what happened on that airstrip. This contempt and rage is fueled ever-stronger each day. Derek sometimes speaks of revolt and the undoing of those who hold the keys to man's cages. I pass these thoughts off as nonsense or symptoms of trauma, but maybe he's right. Maybe vengeance is my only chance at peace. I sometimes look at the mighty Phoenix that was engraved into me and I remember the pride and dignity that my people indoctrinated in me. I feel like I have lost my way and that I am no longer a part of the beliefs instilled in me.

Reasonable and Necessary

Derek is back at the safe-house in Winston-Salem. He has vowed to leave the happening with the government agents, in the past. I'm not sure that I can trust him, but sometimes I'm not sure that I want to trust him. What I mean is that I sometimes have my own thoughts of revenge against Tyben and the group of military who engaged me at the airstrip. Sometimes I'm not sure if vengeance isn't the most reasonable reaction. Derek still has violent episodes from time to time, particularly when he suddenly awakens from sleep. We're still not sure if it's post traumatic stress disorder, or a reaction to the Vampire genes. Charles' reactions were much milder, but Charles was already much older and much less physically fit. Charles received the "dark gift" over years and years. Derek probably got a couple of years worth of venom in about four minutes. It was far more than enough to potentially kill him, but at the same time it was the necessary amount required for him to survive. I'm sure the side-effects will dissipate in time. I still speak with him and while he remains social, he still seems to be concealing something...holding back from me. I suppose maybe it's just his mindset after all that's happened.

Revelation

I would like a few moments of your time to further attempt to explain my views and concepts. While the views and concepts are my own, many are heavily based on others teachings and practices. There are however, some points that make them very unique. I believe in the big bang. I believe that everything came into existence with a monumental explosion. I believe that we are nothing more than remnants of that explosion. Alan Watts put it best by comparing the concept to throwing a bottle of black ink at a white canvas on the wall in "The Nature Of Consciousness" http://deoxy.org/w_nature.htm The place where the bottle shatters represents the "big bang". The ink is splattered against the canvas and lines of ink begin dripping down, taking the most efficient route down the canvas and away from the recent "explosion". Along the way, the ink may split apart into multiple lines or may join up with a separate line. The ink changes hues, thinning as it travels and splits apart and darkening when it emerges with another line. It's stated in "How Science Saved My Soul" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6w2M50_Xdk , that everything including humans, are made of carbon that is over fourteen trillion years old. This would suggest that we are all connected and symbiotically journey through life. I believe we are the product of matter that has been evolving since the big bang. If this belief is true, then to look to our most primitive ancestor in order to find answers for our existence and behavior, where would we start? The most primitive life known to man is ancient bacteria that emerges from the Earth's mantle into the ocean floor. Where did it come from? How did it obtain energy or "life"? I believe the bacteria evolved from fire. The Earth's mantle is nothing but fire and molten rock. Science states that fire is "non-living" because it doesn't reproduce by passing on genetic code. This seems a very close-minded way to look at things. Fire reproduces itself far more efficiently than any living thing. It seems as though the more "intelligent" a life form is, the longer it takes to produce offspring. Why would we base life only on genetics if we have examples of a creature that can breath oxygen, consume various resources, produce energy and behaviors, as well as reproduce at whatever rate it is fed? Think about it: If fire is alive, it makes perfect sense that it was that original energy that produced every living thing known to man. The worship of the Sun is the oldest religion we know. If a child is born into the world, it is primal. It is not yet influenced by religion, society, ethics, etc. We find that it abides by the most primal necessities for life. It eats when hungry, sleeps when it needs to conserve energy and learns about it's environment using the senses with which it is equipped. If left untainted, this individual would continue to practice such behaviors. A fire presents very similar behavior. If you light a candle, it will consume the wick as it's energy breaks down the wax barrier. The flame eats as much as it can obtain and consumes oxygen as well. If you cup your hands over it and deprive it of some of the oxygen, the flame will shrink down in order to conserve energy and "stay alive" longer. If you lift your hands, it will resume it's normal pace. If you offer it extra nourishment like a tablespoon full of lighter fluid, it will devour the excess and quickly as it's given and use the extra energy to burn yet more of the wax barrier in order to consume the wick, which offers stable nourishment. Two groups of fire will join in unison if put in contact with one another. Fire will adapt to the height and mass of flame that is most efficient. Light a match on fire. It will consume the matchstick at an even pace. Put the flame to a sheet of paper. The new nourishment is much easier to break down. The flame will split into two flames. One will continue to exist off the nourishment of the matchstick, while the flame that travels along the paper will consume at a much quicker pace on the easily digestible material. Once the paper is almost burned to completion, you will notice the flame attempt to shrink in order to prolong it's existence as the nourishment is no longer abundant. Fire exhibits many of the same behaviors as man as well as other animals, plants, bacteria and viruses. According to Science a virus is technically "non living", but we also know that they display definite behaviors once inside a living cell. Maybe science's way of segregating living from non-living is not as accurate as we would like to believe. Remember, science once told us that the world was flat. Okay, so let's assume that our ancestors were on the right track with the worship of Amun Ra. Why would we stray from this religion and grasp teachings of a Judaic God, Buddha and other mainstream religions of today? The mainstream gods and practices of today, teach individuals to be sharing, empathetic, passive, giving, modest etc. These behavioral concepts are witnessed in popular religions such as Christianity and Buddhism. You must also practice these concepts if you are to be a "law abiding citizen", "morally good person", "role model" etc. This would be fine except for a couple of problems: The first problem is that the ones who control, enforce and/or promote the indoctrination of such concepts, very seldom live by what they "preach". We can clearly see that the ones who lead the congregation under these rules, are almost never "morally good", "law abiding" or fit to be "role models". Let's take a closer look at psychology. If a person idolizes an idea or person, they strive to emulate the ideals, behaviors and teachings of such a concept or entity. Clever men figured this out long ago and decided to concoct the world's first religion. My belief is that once man stopped being nomads and began forming civilizations by raising crops and livestock, religion entered and began humanity's damnation. Concept: Thousands of years ago, a small civilization of people raised food and children in one designated place of land. People of the civilization often traded livestock, vegetables, fruits, even mates. There were of course the "alpha males" who dominated the weaker, but this was to soon change. They began to form language and communicate with one another as well as teach their young. They didn't exactly know the reason for their existence or purpose in life, but they knew the sun was responsible for the growth of their food and their health. It didn't take long for humanity to look to the sun as some kind of ruling force. One day one of the more clever "citizens" called all of the others to congregate in the center of their establishments. He told them of the power of the sun, which they already knew to be present. Then he personalized the sun, calling it a name ex. Amun Ra. The clever man told of how Ra had blessed man with food and health, but demanded respect and tribute be shown for his blessings. How did the clever one know these things? He explained that the answer was simple; The clever man said to have a special relationship with the all-powerful, all-knowing entity. He told the congregation that to favor him was to favor Ra. The congregation was informed that they should come to the clever civilian for guidance, as he would relay the inquisitions to Ra and return to them with Ra's answer. This announcement was probably made during a time of famine and/ or plague. People in despair have always been easier to manipulate, as they often grasp onto any concept that offers hope. It all seemed a "win-win" situation for the clever one. If the plague or famine passed, he would have proven his "power" and if the plague or famine was to be their demise, then at least he would do his best to remain in power until the very end. Of course the "alpha-males" were used to having their way with the food and women, so they weren't so quick to succumb to these new teachings. The alpha's threatened and questioned the power of the clever one. This is when he announced that his relationship with Ra was because of the Kinship between the clever one and the god. By claiming he was part god, the clever one now returned a threat to the alphas and questioned their superiority as well. The clever one probably ended his opposition by telling the congregation that the defiant alphas were the reason for the famine or plague. He explained that Ra was furious with the alphas for their lack of faith and respect. Some of the alphas probably realized the "strength in numbers" of the congregation and fell to their knees in hopes to be forgiven. The ones who still resisted were probably overwhelmed by the congregation and became the first "sacrifices" to Ra. As the faith of the congregation grew, the clever one profited from having the control over the group, to being given free food and drink by the congregation and their harvest as well as the freedom to have his way with any of the women in the group. The clever one would become the world's first King, Pharaoh etc. The "King" passed his power down to his offspring when he grew too old to rule. The offspring in return, let their father live out his years in great wealth and peace. As time went on, kings grew to have more and more power over their followers, pushing for more and more authority and stripping the followers of more and more of their freedom. As history has proven, sooner or later, in desperation and fear of death, the followers revolt against the kingdom. The system collapses and their is usually a new authority lying in the midst to take control. Like I said before, people emulate those that they look up to. Ra was eternal, fearless, at times cruel and consumed the daytime sky. It's hard to control a massive congregation who strives to emulate such a ferocious god such as Ra. As centuries passed, other gods were introduced, rules and beliefs were altered, but religion proved to be a necessary force to allow one person or a small group of people to lead a very large group. As more centuries passed, there were gods, kings, dynasties, revolts and kings began studying the pattern in hopes of predicting or perceiving a revolt, before it became a threat. As time went on, the kings became aware that in the past, the ones who leaned toward the worship and teachings of gentler, kinder, more merciful gods, emulated those gods and rebelled less often. In time this led to rulers indoctrinating masses into the ways of passive, giving and trusting gods. The congregations in turn, emulated the new, completely adverse gods and thus became the passive followers of today's rulers. I like to give a special "Thank You" to Jamie, for all the inspiration.

intelligence vs. intention

I sit alone tonight, just outside the makeshift bunker. Derek wished to spend some time alone and promised me he wouldn't do anything irrational. I can't help feeling guilty about everything that has happened. I also blame the intelligence agencies. Why can't these people understand that I have no intention of harming anyone. Riley and I were outstanding contributors to society. We did nothing wrong, yet because we were misunderstood we were hunted like animals and everyone who gets close to me, pays dearly for it. It's just not fair. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjSwsww5SfQ